What's In Your Crystal Ball?

Imagine meeting a psychic with a crystal ball. But this psychic has another approach, one in which you are in control! So you sit in front of her and instead of expecting her to tell you what will happen in your future, you tell her.

What’s the point of the psychic you ask? Well, she’ll put it all together in her crystal ball and read back to you what she sees. And with this psychic, if there are things you don’t like, you’re allowed to tweak them so they come out just like you want.

My point here is you can do this by just closing your eyes and visualizing what you want to see in your future. The fun part is, because it’s in your mind, you can include anything you want: a dozen grandkids, a happy family life, work that gives you purpose, a smile on your face all day long, it’s all up to you!!

As corny as this may sound, that’s how I got to where I am. I believe in it wholeheartedly. Anyway, doesn’t cost anything giving it a try… who knows!

All I’m saying is, create your own crystal ball!

Edward or Jacob?

I remember asking my high school students who they preferred, Edward or Jacob when Twilight was so popular. Edward was, by far, the most popular. I got a little upset…Why??? I asked. The girls just loved the notion of the strong boy taking charge, making the decisions and being sweet to them. But I said: “What about Jacob? He respects Bella’s independence and her capabilities, and he’s sweet to her, that ‘s the kind of you guy you girls should want!!”.

I know, we were raised with Prince Charming saving the girl, whether it was Cinderella, Snow White or Bella! And for some reason, even in the 21st century this still seems to be a need for us.

As women, I believe we can have the best of both worlds: being independent, competent and self-reliant AND having a wonderful man in our lives who supports us in our goals and dreams. Being a partner in a relationship is so much more fulfilling than being a dependent. Don’t cut yourself short, you can have it all!

Have a man in your life because you WANT him, not because you NEED him!

Evolution Of The Country Girl

Whether you’re into country music or not, you can’t deny the evolution of the lyrics. Many of these have inspired me since I’ve taken the leap to end my marriage…

I remember being a kid and listening to Dolly tell us about working 9 to 5 and “want(ing) to get ahead, but the boss won’t seem to let me” and that she swears “sometimes that man is out to get me”. We took it for granted that the boss was a man…didn’t question it.

Shania wanted to “Get a little out of line” and “ be free and feel the way I feel”. She was getting us started I think!

Today, it blows my mind how female country singers are making a statement! Kelsea Ballerini made me realize a few things out of my own life when she said: “ I retired my red lipstick cause you said you didn’t like it”. How many of us will change our ways to please? Don’t misunderstand me, compromise is important and one of the keys to a successful relationship, but there’s a difference between changing and disappearing! The one that hits home for me is when she sings: “ Forgot I had dreams, forgot I had wings. Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you. - But I miss me more!”. It was quite a revelation when I heard her words.

Maren Morris is talking to women as a group. She tells us to: “pick yourself up off the kitchen floor”. Which I read to mean kick yourself in the butt and do what you need to do; don’t wait for a man to rescue you!

However, where she is talking to the all woman, married, single, young, old, rich or poor, is when she says: “Draw comparisons, trying to find a lesser than, I don’t wanna wear your crown, there’s enough to go around.” She is telling us to hold together and support each other, and let go of the bitching and comparing! We are so much stronger together, there is enough love, passion and success to go around…and WE KNOW THAT!

Runaway June is telling us she can buy her own drinks and pay her own tab, and when the lights go on, she can pay your own cab. She says: “ I don’t need nobody else”. That’s an amazing feeling! Because when we know we don’t need “nobody else” we are in the perfect place to meet somebody else and make sure we NEVER miss me more;).

On Mother's Day, A Woman's Most Rewarding Experience

I just came from the grocery store and saw a pregnant woman doing her groceries with a toddler in her cart. I saw them several times (you know when you’re going in the other direction from someone and cross them in every lane!). Well this woman had a cute little girl who loved grabbing things off the shelf and saying how much she needed them - “I weally meed dis mommy!). Mom patiently asked her to put it back and no, she did not weally meed it. We laughed together when she was trying to reach for a wine bottle, we looked at each other with this knowing look “Baby, it’s mommy that weally meeds this!”.

I remember those days, they are long past for me, but I can remember and appreciate a mom’s patience going through the aisles (normally as fast as possible so Baby doesn’t fall asleep in the car on the way home and mess up her nap time!!!). As much as I wanted to tear my hair out sometimes, or leave the cart full of groceries in the middle of the aisle and going straight home empty-handed (which I have done…), I wouldn’t change those times for the world!

I raise my glass (with bubbles), to all us mom’s with babies, past and present, who know, or vividly remember the crazy days! I invite you to take a look at each of your baby’s faces and think how wonderful it is to be a mom.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I Never Thought I Would Read Gloria Steinem!

I love reading. The book was on the discount rack for 5 bucks. I couldn’t resist. I’m not a feminist; I know I’m not. I wonder if it’s because I was raised in a family where I could aspire to do anything I wanted; I was encouraged to. Even though my mom was mostly a stay-at-home mom and my dad went to work every single day, I was always told that I could do or be whatever I wanted. There was maybe one time when my dad showed the 10 year old neighbor how to ride our snowmobile, but wouldn’t teach me, said I wasn’t old enough …. I said: “ I’m 10 too”… I don’t think he had realized that.

My husband was also a man who would treat me as an equal in every way. But then I start reading “My Life on the Road” (2015) and I’m completely engrossed. In the first pages I read: “ Not even in the movies had I seen a wife with a journey of her own. Marriage was always the happy end, not the beginning.” (p.31), and I could put so many faces to that statement, even my own! Don’t misunderstand me, my husband never expected me to fulfill the traditional role of a woman at home, I imposed it on myself. It took me until I was 50 years old to realize that I wanted to pursue my own journey….and I have no one to blame but myself for that.

I don’t regret one minute of my life as a wife, and now that my own journey is beginning, it’s that much more exciting! If you’re not living your own personal journey, whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s never too late!

I’m here if you need me. Good luck!!

Difficult Holidays!

It’s Easter or Passover, a time when families get together to celebrate their faith. If you’ re like me, on your own after a real long relationship, this holiday is completely different; it doesn’t play out like it has over the past couple of decades. There is a whole side of the family that’s missing! The kids might wonder how to do this; where do they go to be with their parents? Maybe your family is far away, but it wasn’t so bad because you had each other. This year you’re alone.

I could feel that tear coming up. I wasn’t going to do that again. So I texted a neighbor and grabbed a glass of wine and went out to the fire pit. On the way, another neighbor I new was alone opened his door - “Grab a drink and join us” - I said. I had gone to the store earlier and bought a few chocolate bunnies; I’m so used to buying these things for my family… I bought some anyway. It was awesome, I brought them out to the fire and shared with the neighbors. We ended up laughing and having a great time!

I guess what I’m trying to say is: don’t be alone if you don’t want to, go where there are people, do something kind, it makes you feel sooo good! It takes guts to not wallow in self-pity, but you can do it!!

Have a great week!

Michelle

How Do You Get Motivated?

I’m taking Coaching classes and in my material they talk of motivation away from or towards something. Basically, is your motivation caused by a reaction to something that you want to move away from or are you working toward a goal? They give the example of a crash diet; you eat what you want, then Spring comes around and OH NO, I won’t fit in my bikini, so….crash diet.

Motivation toward is the opposite; you set a goal to reach (fitting into the bikini) and you adopt a lifestyle that helps you attain your goal. Sometimes you may not reach the goal completely, but the healthy lifestyle you’ve adopted has been a motivator to keep on moving. It kind of reminds me of “Slow and steady wins the race”.

Just reading this made me reflect on how I was trying to motivate myself to do things. What I realized is, the reactive motivation is exhausting! Furthermore, it ruins your plans because it just creeps up on you and adds more to your plate…(no pun intended:)) You’ve already got so much to deal with!

What if some parts of your life were on automatic; slow and steady, and didn’t require so much time and effort, that way you could use your time for what you get up in the morning for!

Just think about it… it’s a start!

Michelle

When Doubt Creeps Up On You

So you left your marriage. Decided it was over and that you needed to move on. You are happy with your choice, it was the only way to really be true to yourself; to do what you needed to do. You’ve met great people, reviewed your priorities, reassessed what you wanted, where you wanted to go with this new found freedom. Pretty cool, proud of being strong and moving on.

But wait… these days, the silence of being on your own and independent isn’t so quiet. These little questions are coming out of nowhere…did I do the right thing? Is this what I really wanted? Where am I going exactly? Every country song you listen to seems to be talking about you!!

This is tough, doubt is so hypocritical. I guess this is where mindfulness comes in. You accept these feelings that you have, without judgement, watch them continue on their way, you refocus, take a breath and make this day the best it can be. It will get better, I promise!

Who we are when we are at our Natural Best

We read so many books on how to live our best life. I found one though that makes finding your purpose kind of easy and the process is pleasant to follow. Find Your Why, by Simon Sinek (2017), discusses how who we are starts with why we do things, then how we do them, to then reach the logical conclusion of what we do. I will let you read the book, it’s worth it.

What I really liked though, is how it all comes down to one phrase: to________, so that _________. The first blank is your contribution to the world and the second is the impact it makes. So for example, what I’ve come up with for myself so far is: “To be kind to others every opportunity I have…So that others feel like the world is a nice place to be in, even on a bad day.” The book continues to guide you on how to implement your why so that what you do is a reflection of the values that are important to you.

I guess what I’m taking away from all of this is, once you figure out your why, you have something to guide your decisions by to live a fulfilling life. I figure we’d all like that!!

Have a wonderful day!

The Feeling of Belonging Somewhere!

Belonging is a big one. People might assume everyone belongs somewhere; part of a family, part of a sports team, part of a business or just part of a group of friends. The funny thing is, even if it looks like that on the outside, sometimes we don’t feel like we belong anywhere.

I remember taking graduate classes with my fellow principals. I got along with all of them, but when it was break time, they would take off to the college café without me. They would walk the halls and talk, and at one point look around to see where I was, and keep walking. They’d wait for each other, but not for me. They had no idea how that made me feel…alone. They assumed that I could take care of myself; “Michelle is a strong woman, she doesn’t need anyone”. The truth was though, that it made me sad.

One time, I decided to catch up and I said: “Thanks for waiting for me guys, you always leave without me!” I said it with a smile trying to sound light. They just laughed. I continued: “I’m not joking, you wait for each other and not for me. I’m part of this group too!” They stopped and looked at me, I had taken them off guard. It felt good to say it out loud, and I think they got it.

It’s so easy to assume things about people. Look around you, maybe you can make a difference for someone. If it’s you, how about saying it out loud? Yep, you’ll feel vulnerable, probably uncomfortable, but people can’t read your mind. If they appreciate you, they’ll be happy you let them know how you feel!

Breathe, and go for it!

Vulnerability applies to men too!

I struck up a conversation with someone today while having lunch. This person had been married 26 years and after many years of living as co-parents waiting for the kids to grow up, she decided to leave. I didn’t ask for details as we had barely started speaking. However, he did say that he had been sleeping on the couch for the last 4 years and now was feeling like he was waking up from a real long nap, that’s how alive he felt. It was like this was the first day of the rest of his life and he was excited about it. Of course, going back to the dating scene after so long created anxiety for him, but excitement as well. He said he had joined a dating site the day before, had no idea how they worked, but he was stepping into the arena.

Afterwards I was thinking of this guy… he sounded a lot like… me, and other women I know. I guess in some respects, women and men don’t differ that much when it comes to starting over and feeling vulnerable. I guess guys have to take it one day at a time and breathe… just like we do!

Pettiness...It's So Easy!

So you’re on your own again and he’s found a new woman. It’s all good, you were ready to move on anyway, so why shouldn’t he? But this feeling deep down of trying to figure out who she is, what she looks like, looking through her pics on social media is overwhelming!!!

“I mean, I’m ready to move on…really!!! Just let me take a peek to see what got his attention…just once!”

Once we open that pandora’s box we have to be ready to what might follow; checking up on her more often, just to see what she’s up to. To see if she posts any pictures with him and does he look happy? Happier than when we were together? This brings out so many intense feelings! Feelings that make us question our worthiness.

Please don’t go there! Turn your head in the direction you’re going, not back to where you’ve been. Not worth the upset. Being petty only brings out the worst in people, who wants that for themselves?

Respect and appreciate the good times you had together and move on. You have the power of everything in your future. A new life is just one decision away. Let him move on and do yourself the biggest favor and decide to move on as well. You’ll feel great, I promise!

Showing up is an essential start to anything!

Met a wonderful woman who explained to me how she was raised to meet a man in high school, get married, have a family and support her husband in his career while she raises happy kids and maintains her lovely home.

It's just what women do. Her sisters did it, but she couldn't.

Always remember that that lifestyle is a perfectly wonderful choice...if it's your CHOICE!

If you've decided to change paths, and you're scared out of your mind, look at yourself in the mirror and recognize the woman followed her heart and is actually showing up in her new life.

Good for you, you're doing great!

Breathe, and have a wonderful day!

Starting over after having a spouse or partner for a long time is not easy. It takes courage, determination and an acceptance to being vulnerable. 
Asking questions about things we think we should know, "but he took care of that, I'm not sure how to go about it!"
Or maybe just getting used to cooking for one...whatever the challenge, you're up to it, I promise!
You may feel alone, but you're not, many of us have gone through it and came out happier at the other end.
Give yourself some time, cut yourself some slack and breathe!! I'm here breathing with you.
Have a wonderful day!

Let's Come Alive Together!

So my new favorite writer/researcher is Brené Brown. Not a self-help writer, but awesome researcher who you will content to instantaneously. One of her books, "The Gifts of Imperfection", is a quick read, but very powerful and thought-provoking. 
She quotes theologist Howard Thurman: "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." 
This does make me come alive! Join me!!